Thursday, May 23, 2013


My friend John was recently hospitalized having been involved in a terrible accident that claimed the lives of almost all the passengers onboard. John, a married man, was in critical condition which the doctors he could either die or survive. During this period, John underwent numerous operations and was put on expensive medication in an attempt to save his life. His wife, Mary, friends and other family members exploited all the available financial options still fell short of the one million that was needed to settle his hospital bills.
 During one of his visits to the hospital, John’s brother, James, learnt of a 1 acre piece of land owned by John in Ruiru. John instructed James to get the land license from his mother, sell it off and settle the bills. However, James passed by John’s home and met Mary with whom he shared what John had asked him to do. Mary was infuriated; she couldn’t believe John could keep her in the dark of the existence of that piece of land all that time.
The Story of John is just one among the many secrets men keep away from their wives; for one reason or another. Irrespective of his love for you, there are some secrets you might never know about him. One of these is the monthly package he takes home.
Why is a man’s salary his top secret?  
1.       Men don’t want women to budget with their money: Women are generally known to be spenders. Now, this is why men dread to disclose how much they earn to their ladies. They simply do not want you to budget with his money. For instance, the man foots all the bills but the lady wants a new carpet, the house modernized, kitchen utensils added, a new fridge bought and children taken to a more expensive school. It becomes a serious conflict if the man says he doesn’t have the money and the wife knows how much he takes home every month. Questions like, who is he giving the money? Where is he taking the money?  Will arise. With all fairness, some ladies will want you to spend your earnings to the last cent and still be able take care of emergencies when they occur. So, to be on the safe side, men fail to disclose their full salary as a risk management strategy.
2.        Lack of trust: Whether you are the mother of his children, men do not trust a woman’s life. On the other hand, men trust their mothers more than anyone else. It’s common to find a man consulting his mother in making some major decisions. For example, some will buy property and leave it in the custody of his mother. Others leave a will of all his properties going to his children, mother or even brothers; other than the wife.
3.       Men don’t want their women to find out when they are broke: All men have an ego to protect. Financial insecurity lowers their ego whereas financial security boosts their ego. A man’s traditional role is to take care of his woman. He is the head and provider of his family. He feels worthy when he is able to fully provide for his family. When a man is broke, he doesn’t want his wife to know. He feels insecure and fears that the love of his life may leave him…. May be go out with another man for financial support.
4.       Unrealistic women: Men dread women who make unrealistic demands. They want women who are reasonable and understanding to the needs of the family. Some ladies are extravagant, spenders and inflexible. They push their men to the limit, always wanting this and that. For example, ask for designer bags, vacation trip, wardrobe change, high class school for the kids, or a new car. Others will even ask the man to dispose off some of his investment property so as to take care of her demands of life.
5.       To maintain the status quo to his friends and/or the society: Most men do not want their women to know how they spend their cash. A man may be spending his money on alcohol, his family members or even a “mpango wa kando.” This is the reason why some men don’t meet all their family bills.
In any relationship, there are secrets. However, they can work for or against the person keeping them especially when the other party finds out. (S)He may feel that you do not trust her/him despite beign with you all through. But at the end of it all, you can choose how you want to live and how much you can disclose to your partner.

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